hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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