Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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