so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
