I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
