Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Sponge bath it is.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
