OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
