i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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