i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
