i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
