This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
