I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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