WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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