Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
