Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
