Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
