I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
