well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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