I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
