That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sex in the backyard? Check.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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