im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
