wanna go halves on a baby?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
