We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
