ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
