never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
