He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
