I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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