I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
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