My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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