just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
