that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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