next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
