and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
