And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
