I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
