Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
