I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
