Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
