I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
