they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
