More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
