I hate your face
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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