so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I believe in your delicious
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
