my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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