Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
