break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just pynch a tree in the face
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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