He felt like a one man threesome
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
