at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
