just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
