i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
