It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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