Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
