I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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