can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
