well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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